These past three months have been intense. Emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
This post is about how I deal with everyday pressures. Like every human being my life is not a bucket of roses. I have bad days just like you. I break down and cry in my room when no one is watching. I pace around school just to keep calm because when I get angry it is not a pleasant sight. I want to apologize to anyone reading this who has encountered me on my bad days. I am mean. I am insufferable. I am rude. I am salty. I am toxic. Thank you for tolerating my madness.
I am going to list a couple of things I do to deal with the bad days. The list is not exhaustive in any way. I hope it helps.
1. I WRITE…
Writing is a therapeutic experience. Putting down my thoughts on paper helps to organize my thoughts. I get to see things more clearly. It helps me plan my next move. It is a safe space for me to air out all the clutter that is in my head. It is a form of self examination. In essence it is just talking to yourself about yourself. I mean who knows you better than you?
Writing also helps me see how much I have grown. I started journal-ling in 2016. So much has changed within a year. It’s beautiful to read the things that were bothering me a year ago do not matter anymore. Writing is a measure of growth .
2. I READ
Reading sometimes is a form of distraction. During exam season, I read a lot. I do not mean my school textbooks. I read the ‘fun’ stuff, novels and the likes. I read because I am under so much pressure to perform. I do it to calm my nerves. It is during exam season I get my eureka moments. That is when things just start making sense. I have a sense of clarity that was not there before. Reading novels has become a crutch. I read to avoid the real world some times.
Other times when I can not make sense of my emotions and that of others I read intensely trying to understand myself and my surroundings. The beauty of literature is that it reminds you that you are not alone. It is not the first time in history a girl was dumped by a boy. You are not special. It is not the first time a friend betrayed you. It has happened before. Through reading I empathize with the characters. I am thus able to solve my own problems in my own way.
3. SWEAT IT OUT
I love working out. The gym is my sanctuary. Running, cycling, lifting weights, kicking and punching bags are my favorite activities after a long day. Instead of doing 20 minutes of cardio, I push myself and do 30 minutes instead. There is a certain feeling that one gets after working out. A rush. A feeling of ecstasy. After doing exercise I believe I can take over the world. Nothing can stop me. I think this is how superheroes feel everyday.
I am not one to die in silence with my problems. I am a talker. I am grateful to have friends who are good listeners. I can confide in them without fear of judgement.
Having another human being to listen to you is good enough. Sometimes you do not need advice. You just need a shoulder to lean on. I have friend who always ends our conversations with ‘thanks for calling’ ‘thanks for listening.’ It got me thinking, how often do I thank my friends for being there for me?
5. I CRY
Crying for a long time has always been a sign of weakness in my eyes. I am afraid of being vulnerable. I recently learnt that accepting vulnerability is ones greatest strength. I cry at least once every two weeks now. There is a certain feeling of relief that comes with crying. Just let go.
6. I PRAY
I have never doubted the presence of God. Believing in God is only rational. Unfortunately, of late I run to God as a last resort. I forget his greatness.
I have been too preoccupied with myself. I forgot my creator. Praying simply means having a conversation with God. When I pray it just means telling God, I trust you.
What do you do when life just becomes too much? I am interested. I hope you cope with everyday struggles in a healthy way. Human beings have a talent of gaining new habits. Both good and bad habits. I hope what you do makes you better in the long run.
— Cheptum Toroitich